What do you think of my poem?

Sorry, but I don't think that this is very good. It seems like your trying to be poetic but your word choice seems abrupt, jaggedy and not flowing and your trying to be capturing pain but your not describing it properly. The last paragraph is the worst. Like your acting french but it is failing. And 'thee'? You haven't used any old english and then you suddenly write thee. You can't just write down a bunch of words and call it a poem.